Finally, change your conflict intimacy relationship
What am I suggesting that you do???
Another year has gone by, and I really have to bring this back because not enough of us are comfortable with intimacy. You want all of this chaos to change? You’ve got to get intimate with conflict.
“At this point in history, there is really no escaping conflict anymore. Yes, most of us are avoiders, but we are running out of ways to avoid confronting conflict because it is the biggest thing in our lives, thanks to an ignored history, current events, and this upcoming election in the United States.”
Here’s how I know that we are in serious trouble. Those were my words to you in my first blog of the new year, January 2017, and here we are in the same boat 7 years later!
We are faced with the reality that conflict is not bigger and badder than ever, but just fully present, in our faces and not backing down. What have we as human beings done to face it and engage in it during these past seven years? Violence and Intolerance all presented themselves as reactions and responses to the ever-mounting conflict. Even nature has responded with fires, mudslides, back-to-back hurricanes, and cold, snow, and warmth in places that are not used to such weather.
And love…? It is an ever-present energy yet to be harnessed, and folks, love is the strongest force we have but not when hate is organized. We, too must use our love strategically.
But first, we must address this relationship we have with conflict.
No matter where you fall on the political spectrum or your beliefs, values, and attitudes, conflict is the one thing that literally everyone is talking about. As close and as present as conflict is daily, most people have a very dysfunctional relationship with it.
That is why I am issuing an invitation to you to Get Intimate With Conflict. This is my fuel for going forward with engaging all of you in this intimate relationship.
Starting with Step 1 – How To Have Soulful Conversations With Conflict
Yes, I am actually advising you to speak to conflict, engage with it, and face the fact that conflict is always going to be present in your life. Hey, how many relationship partners can you say that about? So, how do we get started?
No. 1: Expect it.
You are living life, interacting with others, and putting yourself out there to engage in the act of life. So, conflict is going to show up. Not dreading it or shunning it can keep it from coming. So get ahead of it, know that it is coming, and be prepared to welcome it in and get cozy. Yes cozy. The more comfortable you get with conflict, the more you learn about yourself and it.
No. 2: When It Shows Up Establish a Rapport
One of my favorite songs is “Good Morning Heartache.” I am going to take liberty with the last few verses and replace the word heartache with conflict.
“Good morning, Conflict
Here we go again,
You’re the one who knew me when
Might as well get used to you hanging around
Good morning, Conflict, sit down.”
Yes, so here’s the talk you want to start to have with conflict: “Here’s what I know about you, conflict, and about myself when you are around. Here’s what I want to know more about. What can you tell me?” Then listen.
No. 3: Talk About Your Feelings
Put this out there… “What I really feel about you conflict is… What I want to feel about you is…” and then go for it. Dig deep. It may sound silly, but conflict is here to teach us more about ourselves than others. Time to sit back, cozy up, and learn.
This can’t wait 7 more minutes, much less 7 more years.
Let’s get intimate with conflict today.
If you still have not gotten intimate with conflict, then you have to admit to yourself that you need help. Stop avoiding me and join our Connecting Through Conversations Monthly Membership Program here. Join today, and you will be just in time for our first monthly skill-building workshop, where you can bring your questions and conflicts as well.
In Love,
Dr. Lynne
