“At this point in history there is really no escaping conflict anymore. Yes, most of us are avoiders, but we are running out of ways to avoid confronting conflict, because it is the biggest thing in our lives thanks to this election.” Those were my words to you in my first blog of the new year January 2017.
Here we are faced with the reality that conflict is not bigger and badder than ever, but just fully present, in our face and not backing down. What have we done to face it and engage in it during this past year? The Women’s March, Not My President Protests, Immigration and Anti-Immigration Protests, The Alt Right Tiki-Torches March, 100 Dinners hosted conversations, The Me Too Movement, Twitter Wars, Violence and Intolerance all presented themselves as reactions and responses to the ever-mounting conflict. Even nature has responded with fires, mudslides, back to back hurricanes and cold, snow and warmth in places that are not used to such weather.
No matter where you fall on the political spectrum or your beliefs, values and attitudes, Conflict is the one thing that literally everyone is talking about. As close and as present as conflict is daily, most people have a very dysfunctional relationship with it. That is why this year my commitment is to issuing the ongoing invitation to you to Get Intimate With Conflict. I recently posed the question in my Soul of Conflict FB group: Outside of sex what does intimacy mean to you? There were over a dozen responses and some great conversations took place over the course of several days.
This is my fuel for going forward with engaging all of you in this intimate relationship.
Starting with Step 1 – How To Have Soulful Conversations With Conflict
Yes, I am actually advising you to speak to conflict, engage with it and face the fact that conflict is always going to be present in your life. Hey, how many relationship partners can you say that about? So how do we get started?
No. 1: Expect it.
You are living life, interacting with others and putting yourself out there to engage in the act of life. So, conflict is going to show up. No dreading it or shunning it can keep it from coming. So get ahead of it, know that it is coming and be prepared to welcome it in and get cozy. Yes cozy. The more comfortable you get with conflict, the more you learn about you and it.
No. 2: When It Shows Up Establish a Rapport
One of my favorite songs is “Good Morning Heartache.” I am going to take liberty with the last few verses and replace the word heartache with conflict.
“Good morning Conflict
Here we go again,
You’re the one who knew me when
Might as well get used to you hanging around
Good morning Conflict, sit down.”
Yes, so here’s the talk you want to start to have with conflict: Here’s what I know about you conflict and about myself when you are around. Here’s what I want to know more about. What can you tell me? Then listen.
No. 3: Talk About Your Feelings
Put this out there… What I really feel about you conflict… What I want to feel about you…
and then go for it. Dig deep. It may sound silly, but conflict is here to teach us more about ourselves than others. Time to sit back, cozy up and learn.
If you are a leader who is ready to increase your influence and profits, check out my Leadership C.O.R.E. Program.
Check out what Kathy Gougheneur is staring about her experience with it.
If this is your year to get busy with conflict in your relationship then check out my Relationship C.O.R.E. Program.
Check out what Joe and Debbie Burns are saying about their experience with it.