If I could sit on the couch and have a conversation with my 21-year-old self, I wouldn’t overwhelm her with everything I know now.
I would give her three things that I believe would help her navigate almost anything life and leadership put in front of her: live with integrity, trust in God, and learn how to engage and resolve conflict masterfully.
I wish I had understood the power of these three things much earlier because they have become foundational to the way I live, lead, and work with others.
Integrity comes first because trust is at the heart of leadership. I learned this in a very personal way when I had to admit to someone I was working with that I had lied to her. That experience taught me that integrity isn’t simply about what we do when people are watching. It is also about the decisions we make when nobody would know if we chose differently.
When people know that your word means something, it changes the way they experience you. They know they can trust what you say, depend on what you promise, and believe that you will take responsibility when something doesn’t go as planned. In business and in life, that kind of trust can move mountains.
The second thing I would tell my younger self is to trust God. I’m a God girl, and nothing is going to change that. Faith may not be everyone’s language, but I believe we all need something bigger than ourselves to hold on to, particularly when life takes us somewhere we never expected to go.
My faith was tested in ways I could never have anticipated when my husband died in 2020, just as COVID was beginning to change everything. My sons and I were grieving, New York City was filled with fear and uncertainty, and within a week of planning a funeral, the world seemed to shut down.
Then I became sick.
I couldn’t eat, couldn’t keep anything down, and couldn’t sleep. At a time when COVID testing was difficult to access, I was terrified that my sons, who had just lost their father, might lose their mother too.
There was so much I could not control, and that was when my faith became especially important. I had to believe that I would get the test, find out what was happening with my body, and live. All three happened.
That experience reinforced something leadership continues to teach me: Strong leadership is having something that grounds us, so that uncertainty does not determine how we show up for the people who depend on us.
The third thing I would tell my 21-year-old self is the work that eventually became my life’s work: learn how to engage and resolve conflict masterfully.
Notice I said engage conflict, not avoid it.
So many people have learned to treat conflict as something dangerous that should be managed, minimized, or escaped as quickly as possible. But when we develop the skills to engage conflict productively, it becomes an opportunity to understand one another more deeply, strengthen relationships, improve communication, and find solutions that may never have surfaced otherwise.
That ability is especially important for leaders. The way you enter a difficult conversation affects everyone else in the room. When you can remain present, listen, communicate clearly, and work toward resolution rather than simply trying to make the discomfort disappear, you change what becomes possible for the entire group.
Looking back, I can see how these three principles have worked together throughout my life. Integrity has taught me to become someone people can trust. Faith has helped me remain grounded through circumstances I could not control. Learning to engage conflict has given me the skills to walk into difficult situations instead of running from them.
None of these things has made my life free of challenges. They have given me a stronger foundation for meeting those challenges.
That is what I want leaders to understand today. Leadership is not only about strategy, expertise, or the position you hold. It is also about the foundation you bring into the room.
When that foundation includes integrity, something greater than yourself that keeps you grounded, and the ability to engage conflict with skill and confidence, you don’t just change the way you lead. You can change the room.
If you are ready to strengthen that foundation and become more confident in the way you communicate, lead, and navigate difficult conversations, I invite you to book a complimentary Leadership Strategy Call with me.
We’ll talk about what is happening in your leadership right now, where conflict or communication may be getting in the way, and what can help you move forward with greater clarity and confidence.
Learn more and schedule your call here.
