And the conflict it causes within us.
Throughout our lives we receive information about ourselves. We take it in from a whole host of sources including those who raised us, teachers, religious leaders, peers, friends, family and media. Some of it we may disregard, but almost all of it is stored somewhere within us. The deeper the impact of the information given the deeper it is stored within us. Some information lands in our brain in our conscious understanding and other information nestles in our subconscious and hibernates there for further use.
We are a constant collector of information that informs who we are and this is not always a good thing. We can become so accustomed to shaping ourselves based on external sources that we seldom if ever check in with ourselves. Very early in our lives we buy into the message that the best answer to who we are is outside of ourselves. While other people can have valuable information and input about what is a good way to behave and be a successful, loving, kind and productive human being, the enormous amount of outside information we receive does not instill self-confidence. If we did not have adults close to us who valued our finding out about ourselves by making that honest, insightful journey within supplemented by the external, then chances are we don’t know or trust ourselves.
The truth is that this is a confidence issue rooted in the lack of trust that we have in ourselves, our faith, the universe or whatever you believe in that takes care of each one of us. In my case, I believe in God so as a result I believe that I will have the answers even if they are not in this moment. I also believe that I will be able to handle whatever results from the decisions I make in this situation. Coming to this belief took work and a willingness to look introspectively at what I believed about me. Uncovering the truth sheds light on so many why’s, with the first and most important one being… why am I afraid?
When this fear makes an appearance, it shows up with an arsenal of ways for us to shut down the conversation. It offers us the chance to choose from demands, endless questions meant to sidetrack, ultimatums, judging, threatening, jumping to conclusions, lecturing or not entertaining the conversation at all. When we operate from this space, we are choosing to lead from a place that is unsure or downright mistrustful of what our true self has to offer. I am telling you it is deep.
When we make space for awareness to happen and begin to explore fear, we open the door to discovering ourselves.
We need to create an opportunity to examine how our emotions, thoughts and reactions have been heightened by fear.
In order to take advantage of the information you uncover and make use of it to inform the future, you are going to need to learn to be patient with yourself. Patience will assist you as you learn to be fully present with each experience and the emotions and thoughts that arise, especially fear, recognizing that all you really have to attend to is what is happening in the present moment. Acknowledging that fear often plays a large and sometimes disguised role in our reactions is the beginning of the work we will need to do in order to view and do leadership as a human vs. superhuman experience that does not include fear.
Free yourself from the fear that says you being human is not enough!