Grief has hit our home again, but in a horribly compounding way. My husband, Warren, who died unexpectedly in 2020, left his mom, Marie T. Price, behind, and on May 15th, she passed away. She was blessed to see 90 but missed her son every day.

As a family, our grief is compounded by the fact that she is the only Nana that my sons have known and was their only tie left to his family, and after Warren’s death, she was the victim of serious elder fraud by someone she called her other son.  This is a real gut punch.

And as we process our grief together, we are hearing so many stories of other people’s loss and grief during this time. I have to respond and do what I can to help us all through this, so I am bringing these steps back.

1. Be unafraid to talk about death. Sometimes death is unexpected, but even when it’s not, we need to have some hard talks, but the honesty of the feelings associated can bring some relief in just the fact that it CAN be talked about in any form of expression. For us, that is sometimes a few choice curse words learned from their Nana and Dad.

2. Listen, listen, listen without offering an explanation. We are natural fixers when it comes to conflict. The fear of hearing scary things, like wanting to give up, or being angry at God, or whatever strikes terror in your heart, makes us quick to jump in with platitudes and solutions. Let honest expression of thoughts and feelings happen without the fix or hold on to silence and the power it brings in just resting there until words are ready to flow again.

3. Release each other from the stereotypes of grieving. A man cries and grieves. Being strong is not mandatory and is subject to interpretation. The pain can be paralyzing, and it is okay to be paralyzed by it. Moving on is not measured in hours and days, it is selective. Depression is real and not a sign of weakness. All of this is healing and a peeling away of the rules and standards of stereotypes and culture. Be brave enough to break culture here.

4. Talking about the grief we feel and its real effects on us often presents so much conflict for us that we don’t do it or listen to it. This is another tough assignment in my life, helping my sons enter into and go through this process again with all the additional feelings and complications this one brings, and experiencing it once again for myself in as real a way as possible. Honestly, it’s hitting me hard. It’s a culmination of so many things, including losing my own parents, grandmothers, and aunties. Whew! This is it for the elders, y’all, and I am committed to holding the energy of learning and letting go, alongside giving in and going with the flow of grief as it comes.

Telling the story of the betrayal of their Nana to my sons has been a long and difficult process in itself. Details are here on our GoFundMe if you want to know and help.

It has been quite the battle. I have learned for sure that grief, too, can teach us a lot about engaging in conflict if we let it.

Keep your heart open and allow it to grieve.

Together again, May They Rest In Peace.

In Love,
Dr. Lynne