Here’s a Start.
The holidays are here. Pressures rise, which means the likelihood of saying the wrong thing rises with it. You know what I am talking about.
You are trying to list and organize all of the things you have to do and they are many. Daily life still has to go on, your job, family, friends, neighbors, school and self-care. What? You’re still not taking time for self-care? (Sigh…)
Life’s horrible events keep coming at you along with your own personal heartbreaks and that moment happens when your co-worker, your kids, your sister or brother, your mother, cousin or friend puts one more thing on your plate or speaks to you the wrong way and you just snap at them or break in to a rant that goes on wayyyyy too long and you can’t pull yourself back… and frankly, with the release you are receiving, you just don’t want to make that return trip to calm. Until after…
Darn it! Apologies are not your strong suit. But ohhh… the holidays are coming and now you’re really feeling bad.
In your heart, you know you need to make it right. But how?
Here’s a start:
Admit to yourself that you were wrong. Own your part even if it is not that simple and you weren’t the only one who did something wrong. Don’t exempt yourself. Try to nail down the reason/s you reacted the way you did (worried, overwhelmed, scared, exhausted, not taking care of yourself).
Be honest with yourself. Honor your feelings. Sit in them and feel them and also manage them. Often, what comes up is guilt, discomfort and embarrassment. It’s okay to feel them, because everyone makes mistakes, but recognize when they are shifting into shame and punishment, and stop yourself from going there. Say to yourself, “I made a mistake. That doesn’t make me a bad person.” Trust me, it doesn’t.
Reach out to them and ask for an opportunity to talk about what happened. Start off with letting them know that you said some things or spoke in a way that you regret. Let them know that you sincerely apologize and then listen to their response without interrupting. No excuses offered, just honor and validate their feelings when they finish and then breathe.
Forgive yourself. Do something good for yourself after and stop yourself from replaying that bad moment over and over in your mind. Just catch yourself and then shift your thinking to something good you’ve done in your life.
Because we tend to avoid the conflicts in our lives, things fester and build up and then we think it’s too late. So, why bother?
Bother, because it’s important.
Bother, because we are growing further and further apart. We are not nurturing our relationships with honest conversations and owning our mistakes.
Bother, because really the holidays are just an excuse for us to do what we should have done a long time ago. Own our mistakes, fix our relationships and love ourselves in our growth.
Come on, you got this! Make it right.