Five Ways to Begin to Be Free
Today is a rough day for me. I am sitting with my feelings after an extremely difficult conversation, one where some deep-seated resentment on the part of the other person reared its head. I am talking that long simmering, finally bubbled up into an explosion of hurt, anger, disappointment, grief and pain kind of resentment. And honestly, my thoughts are more about the fact that this resentment was stored inside of them for so long more than the truth of what they shared.
It got me thinking about my own resentments that still sit within me. I discovered something that I was holding on to that I thought I had let go of long ago but was still there waiting…
Resentment does that. It waits, often until your heart experiences a feeling that is hard to feel, something so much deeper than anger, that has never really been addressed. Then it pours out vivid, venomous and filled with long-seething pain.
Resentment is hard because we hold it so long that we often don’t get the audience we need to release it, to be honest, sometimes they have left this earth never hearing your resentment . This is true in my case. The other thing that happens is if you do release it, it is not received well, often deflected, denied or denounced.
And yet there it is sitting inside of you, nesting and fueling anger, discomfort, insecurity and inequity. While it feels great to finally unleash it on the person who caused it, until then, it is harming you. It is causing you pain and holding you back from being free and whole. It can affect job productivity, relationships both work and personal, mental and physical health, your attitude and overall happiness.
So, how do you begin to let it go? Oh, that is not easy, I know, but how about we both give it a try?
- Admit to yourself that you have a resentment that you have been carrying. That seems obvious, but sometimes we try to deny or hide it and that does no good.
- Honor the pain that it both represents and is causing by naming it to yourself out loud. I am hurt because…. I am devastated because… I feel unworthy because…
- Get it out! Write it down, speak it to a voice recorder, tell it to someone who you trust who is just there to listen, not defend, excuse or question.
- Keep searching yourself for the purpose it has been serving for you to continue to hold on to it for so long. Does it feed or validate your insecurities about yourself? Does it push you to get revenge by being better than that person ever thought you would be? Let go of whatever reasons do not serve you and challenge yourself to find other ways to get what you need from yourself so that you can release it.
- Find the opportunity to talk with the person responsible and let them know. I know that this does not always turn out well, but it can. If nothing else, it’s been said, and you can give yourself permission to release it.
This is conscious, intentional work with the lasting benefits of allowing you to be free of this once and for all. You just have to stay committed to it. I am hurt and saddened to know the resentment against me, but I am relieved that they released it, and that we can start to repair things.
What about you? Are you ready to let your resentment go? Can you even admit that it is there? I can help. Try these five steps or reach out to me and get free.