The 12 Days of Conflict 2023
It’s that time of year! We are all dealing with so many mixed emotions right now and conflicts and conversations are heating up. This is why I take this time to share some really useful tools and techniques to get us through and to help us find some enjoyment along the way.
We are celebrating so many different holidays at this time of year. Some of us celebrate the ones that many are familiar with like Hanukkah and Christmas. Others are celebrating less familiar holidays like Bodhi Day, Kwanzaa, and Three Kings Day. Then there are those who celebrate no holidays, but hold this time as significant to entering a new year. Wherever you fit, this is often a time when we see more family, friends, neighbors and co-workers, which makes it the The High Conflict Season.
During this time, I want to gift this to you:
The Twelve Days of Conflict
On the 12 days of conflict, the Conflict Closer gave to me:
1st Day: The Power of Expectancy
The state of thinking or hoping that something will happen. What you expect, you often get. Expect conflict, dread it, avoid it or yell at everyone.
The same thing will happen every holiday.
2nd Day: Two Caution Words
Assumptions and Grudges. Don’t assume we know what they mean by what they say and make sure you really aren’t holding a grudge. You think you’re not, but why did you ask that question in that way?
3rd Day: Three Best Friends
Pause, Breathe and Listen. They travel well together.
4th Day: Four Important Words
Why Am I Triggered? Something they said or did got to you. Your job is to dig within to find out why.
5th Day: Five Golden Things
1. Listen Beneath The Words
2. Paraphrase What They Said, Not What You Heard
3. Ask What Else
4. Get Clarity With Questions
5. Acknowledge Your Triggers
6th Day: Six Needs Worth Saying
1. Need for words to be Helpful
2. Need to not be Intentionally Hurtful
3. Need for Clarity
4. Need for Acknowledgement
5. Need to or for Apology
6. Need to Make Progress
7th Day: Seven Signs You’re Winning
1. You’ve Lost The Need To Win
2. You’ve Uncovered New Triggers
3. You’ve Identified The Roots of Your Triggers
4. Blame Is Not The Name Of Your Game
5. You’ve Found Common Ground That Can Move You Forward
6. You Are Both Laughing
7. You Can See And Acknowledge Your Role In How You Got Here
8th Day: Eight Words Worth Milking
We always want to jump in to make our point. Wait and then say these 8 words.
Is There Anything More I Need To Know?
9th Day: Nine Ways of Asking
1. Accusingly
2. Sarcastically
3. Begrudgingly
4. Judgmentally – These first four is how we often start out but we can move to:
5. Inquisitively
6. Invitingly
7. Openly
8. Thoughtfully
9. Compassionately
10th Day: Ten Thoughts Worth Keeping
1. We Can Do This
2. It’s Not Personal
3. I Am Learning From This
4. I Have To Like How I Handled Myself
5. I’m Not Trying To Be Right
6. Keep Listening
7. I Can Choose To End This If It’s Not Productive
8. What Did They Really Say?
9. Keep Moving Forward
10. It’s Worth It
11th Day: Eleven Why’s for Trying
1. Why not?
2. It’s gone on too long
3. It’s really hurting our relationship
4. It’s hurting this family
5. The next generation is carrying on this conduct
6. The younger ones are watching
7. It’s affecting my health
8. I miss the friendship
10. I need to face my fear of conflict
11. Co-workers are being affected by this
12. I need to practice my conflict resolution skills
12th Day: Twelve Words to Finish
It’s time for everyone to learn how to communicate more productively and powerfully in conflict.
In Love,
Dr. Lynne
