In this last week, I have had three separate experiences regarding the art of communication. The first was a parent meeting at my youngest son’s school. A spirited discussion on the problems and opportunities technology presents for our children in the realm of communication and their social lives lent itself more to the problem side. My take as I listened intently for an hour was that the integration of social media, video games and cell phones into our children’s lives is robbing them of their ability to communicate effectively, develop empathy and to interact with their peers and adults.

Pick Up The Phone
Several days later my friend and colleague Achim Nowak’s weekly Energy Boost arrived in my inbox. It seemed he had the same theme on his mind. He shared his delicious experience reading Sherry Turkle’s Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age apparently resonating with her theory that technology has robbed us of the art of conversation. Indeed I was fascinated by an earlier statement she made in her book Alone Together: Why We Expect More From Technology and Less from Each Other. “These days, insecure in our relationships and anxious about intimacy, we look to technology for ways to be in relationships and protect ourselves from them at the same time.” I’m still thinking about that one.

Strike Three For Technology
A young man I have gotten to know over the past three years unknowingly presented an interesting take on this. Beyond the work that we do together, we often discuss our lives and the endless opportunities they present for interacting with the colorful, emotional and sometimes mystifying people in our lives. Recently he spoke of a conversation he had with a young woman he was spending time with. This is a relationship I had given him some requested advice about and encouraged him to share some important things with her. He told me that he in fact shared those intimate things with her… by text. It didn’t go well!

Say It Isn’t So…
Each of these situations has led me to think deeply and wonder. Are we in fact losing the art of conversation as so many people my age and a decade or two younger proclaim freely and sadly? Listening to the parents in my son’s school made me think of my son who can and always has been able to hold a long, interesting and deeply personal conversation with friends and family alike. At the same time, he is in love with his iPhone, computer and video games and is the life of the party and the center of teenage drama all rolled in to one.

The young man I counseled is an artful conversationalist and thinker in two languages who prefers in person time but has much more access to text time. While I assumed he would trust so intimate a discussion to face-to-face time with this woman, he sought out his most familiar method. The one the majority of young people use to communicate in length and in depth with each other.

The Keepers of Communication
If the Art of Communication is being lost it must mean that we who bemoan this think we actually have it and are good at it. As a conflict resolution strategist with no loss for candidates in need of learning to communicate, I find this interesting. But if in fact we are the keepers of the art of communication, it would serve us well to teach it to our young people. Oh, and while we’re at it, let’s learn just as much about this new form of communication that our young people seem to be magicians at!

What’s going on in your home or office with regard to this? Thoughts? Opinions? Let me hear from you.