Yes, Donald Trump. That’s not a typo or an attention-grabbing title. I guess it is attention-grabbing, but it is also true. I discovered it a couple of months ago, not through ancestry.com or some secret letter hidden away in my parent’s belongings or through some back door rumor.

Let me tell you what happened.

I was in the Midwest working. When I am there I am truly at my home away from home. Not only is the work fulfilling, but the people I work with are all of the same mindset about education and children, in particular the mis-education of Black and Brown and Poor children. A few of them are people I would now call my friends. As a group of us sit around the office or in the library, the conversations among us are spirited, full of opinions, frustration, the politics of education, humor and passion. I love engaging!

On this particular afternoon, I was sitting in the office of a colleague friend that I love and respect. I was sharing my disappointment with a Facebook friend’s post, which read, “if any one of my Facebook friend’s is a Donald Trump supporter, please unfriend me now because we have nothing to say to each other.”

I went on to share that I was disappointed in that statement, especially given that she is a respected college professor whom I admire. I shared with my colleague friend, “This is not what we should be doing. I think we should be listening to each other. I would want to know why someone is supporting Trump.” My colleague friend wiped his forehead and said, “good, because I am a Trump supporter.”

Drop the mic! (A Hip Hop term meaning: you just said something that blew everyone away.) In the three seconds it took for me to take a deep belly breath in, every cliché in the book ran through my mind. “Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it”. “Think before you speak”. “Girrrl, you have stepped it in now!” Breathing out, I looked him in his eyes and said, “Please tell me what it is about him that speaks to you. I really want to listen.”
 

 

 
Living in a rural setting that has experienced generations after generations of poverty and jobs gone shapes a view that I can never experience. Being of a different race, ethnicity, religion and political party all serve as lenses that provide reasons for his hearing a very different message than what I hear. It is so thought-provoking I can barely take it all in, but I know I must because between us nothing has changed.

We are still colleague friends who love, trust and respect each other and we are still talking, listening and seeking understanding.

I often give guidance on how to have a difficult conversation.

Here are five tips on how to Listen to one:
 
1. Start Off By Telling Yourself That They Have A Right To Their Opinion.

Thinking in this way from the beginning can help you fight the urge to be right or to win. Remember, listen to seek understanding.
 
2. Catch Yourself Judging.

We all judge, it is somewhat instinctual. The key is to recognize the thoughts that come in to your head while you are listening and just quickly label them as judgments if they are and do your best to put them to the side.
 
3. Ask Questions and Actively Listen To Clarify What It Is Like To Be In Their Shoes.

The reasons people feel the way they do are deeply personal and important to them. Their reasoning can be very hard to envision especially if it is not of your experience. Ask them to help you understand what it is like to be in their shoes.
 
4. Absolve Yourself Of The Need To Fix Them.

Listening to understand is not the same as helping them see things your way. Listen with the mindset that they don’t need to change they just need to know that you are interested in hearing what they have to say.
 
5. Give A Meaningful Response.

Paraphrase their thoughts to let them know you have been listening and so they can clear up any misunderstanding and then… THINK. Even if it takes some time, days or weeks. Think about responding to their thoughts based on their needs, not your opinion.
 
Hard work? Yes, but…
 

 
My difficult listening was about Donald Trump. What’s Yours?