Having the necessary conversations
Does anyone know how to have a conversation these days? No, I am serious. I am not trying to hurt feelings or chastise folks but in case you haven’t noticed, things are bad. I mean really bad, even among friends and family.
I was scrolling social media last week and happened on a couple of exchanges that went something like this:
Person posting:
I notice you are only posting about this one subject. But what about this important topic? You call yourself a DEI expert. You’re nothing more than a phony and an opportunist.
Person whose social media account it is who has thousands of followers:
How dare you!! After all that I have done on this topic. Don’t you dare accuse me of not being committed to this topic! F**k you! (and a few other choice words.)
Followers then proceed to join in on the attack on the person.
A different exchange on another social media platform:
Person: You Trumpsters are straight-up idiots!
Other person: There goes another snowflake boohooing because you cannot take the truth.
And it’s not just on social media. It’s all forms of media, it’s our reality TV shows and our interactions with each other.
I live in NYC and with so many people living here, it is impossible not to overhear conversations. We are endlessly impatient and frustrated with one another. Cancel culture is not just online. People are giving up on communicating with family and friends because they don’t easily agree, or a disagreement is not resolved in a single conversation or they won’t be able to keep themselves from exploding on the other person.
Hey, I understand that having conversations is sometimes work and with some folks it is hard work. But I truly believe that what we have to gain by being able to engage in necessary conversations is what will change our society for the better, one conversation at a time.
While writing this, I received a phone call from someone who I am very close to who was afraid, to tell the truth about her situation to some people she was close to. So many reasons which I understood, it’s embarrassing, they won’t understand or will judge, all these thoughts going off in her head. She was also tired and recognized the effort it would take on her part not just to tell them but to have to listen to and absorb their responses. Perhaps they would challenge or try to persuade her to change her mind and with all that is going on in her life, it just seemed too much to have an honest conversation. Her call just now was to tell me that they all understood and supported her. What that did to shift what she was feeling and facing was significant. She sounded like a whole other person. Her other challenges hadn’t changed but she had the necessary conversation and the outcome was better than the stories she had made up for herself.
I recognize that it doesn’t always turn out like this, but I decided a long time ago that I have to feel good about the way I interact in any conversation that I am in and that can only happen when I use good communication skills. I don’t always come up solid gold, but I am always working at it.
I have to deliver this message. We must do better and be better because there are some very necessary conversations that we have to have with each other, and the goal has to be bringing us together not shutting down or shutting each other out.
It won’t be easy but it is our only way out. We were made for community, not isolation.
So, here’s the deal. I am going to get you ready. I am going to be offering a series of workshops on having the necessary conversations around all the things we need to be talking about with one another. Things like love, politics, racism, fear, hurt, expectations and more.
Details coming next week. If you seriously want this world to get better and are willing to start at your own doorstep then you will join us and get some skills that will move you forward in your own relationships. We cannot allow the discourse that is happening to be the norm or get worse.
I am asking you to take this brave step with me.
You can do it. We can do it.
Stay tuned for all of the details. In the meantime, do an honest reflection on how your conversations are going and be ready for change.
In Love,
Dr. Lynne
