This is for all of us.
Are You Paying Attention?
Have things gone far enough for you to finally act on your good intentions?
If not now, then when?????
It’s time to drop this again. Hopefully, now you are ready.
In 2019, I was working with a group of parents whose teenagers, at that time, attended schools that were working on creating more ethnic and racial diversity. Currently, you know that any schools who are still committed to this goal are catching hell or are afraid they will be next.
The parents of color in the group were sharing stories about the work that needed to be done by White parents, particularly those parenting White children. Please don’t turn away because if you are tired of reading about it, imagine how exhausted we are from writing about it.
One Black mother’s story:
My son was asked by a good friend of his who is White to take the NYC subway to a certain stop and meet him there and open the entrance door for him, because he did not have a metro card. Her son, thinking he was doing his friend a favor, agreed and did it. (So right now if you are thinking ‘Well that was wrong’, you are about to miss the point and make my point about racial differences in this country.)
Immediately, they were surrounded by 3 undercover police officers. The Black teenager had already been told by his parents to never hop the train no matter what he saw others doing. First of all, it is illegal, and second of all they knew that undercover officers were always around and they made it really clear that he could not do what his White friends did. He had shared with them that it was something that a few of his friends did frequently. So, when the officers surrounded them, their son immediately stopped and apologized, and said he did not think it was as bad as hopping the train and that he was helping his friend.
His White friend chose to run from the police and then struggle with them when they caught up to him. Her son was watching this while talking with the undercover officer who stayed with him. The officer told him that his friend was an a**hole and then proceeded to talk with him about why he should never do this again. His friend was arrested and did not want his parents called (who by the way are financially well off enough to supply their son with a lifetime metro card), but her son felt they must be called and he called them to come bail their son out. He also called his parents immediately to share the story and to apologize and say that he would be paying the $100.00 ticket he received for his actions. (Like they didn’t already know that!) This mother ended her story with “I need White parents to do their work.”
Black parent after Black parent shared everything from being told by White parents when their children were entering middle school that their White children were too young for conversations about race while knowing that Black parents and many White parents of mixed-race children were having these discussions with their children long before middle school.
Other parents shared their fears of their Black child riding in cars or being out in public with their White friends and being stopped by the wrong police officer and their White friends acting from privilege making the interaction worse.
The fear and frustration level in the room was high among the parents of color and the fear and hesitation among the white parents was evident. Waiting until the “right time” to have these talks, have workshops, or do anything that involved ruining the happy, free-from-worry about racial issues lives they had created for their White children was the universal sentiment.
But I am here to say, Why We Can’t Wait.
Dr. King wrote his own book entitled the same. While I am not as eloquent as he is, I dare say I’m just as frustrated, concerned, and adamant.
We can’t wait because:
As more White parents look for diverse neighborhoods and schools, your children are developing friendships with our children and our children are already aware of the vast and dangerous differences that have been created in this society, because of how white people have historically viewed and treated race.
Each day our children go out into that society perfectly aware of who they are and trusting their friendships not understanding that far too many white children have no clue that the way they get to navigate in this society allows them to be children, teenagers, and adults who “just make mistakes” rather than being viewed as criminals and this is dangerous for our children.
White children whose hearts are in the right place, but have not had a real conversation about race and institutionalized racism in America will exert their “right to speak up” for their friends (our children) in a way that is fine for them, but can lead to escalation of the situation and harm for our children. Because Parents of color carry a heavy weight that has us living in almost perpetual fear and is creating DIS-EASE in overwhelming and monumental numbers.
It is 2024 and ENOUGH of this already!! Everybody needs the veils lifted and they need to get on board.
Some of you may be wondering how do we as White people get on board. How do parents of color offer up ways for their White friends to get started on this journey?
In 2019, I started On The Matter Of Race, a group for White people who would like real leadership, guidance, knowledge and calling you in to look at your stuff, but also helping you get out there to have these conversations at home, in the workplace, at school, in your communities, on social media or with those family members who just don’t understand and continue to perpetuate racism.
For my White people who think this doesn’t apply to you, I invite you to sign up for an interview because based on those who are already a part of OTMR, I know it does. Sign up here.
For my White people who want to but are not sure, it’s time to be sure! Sign up for your interview now.
For my Parents who are Black, Latino/a/x, Indigenous or Asian who have family, friends or co-workers who are White, share this link now PLEASE! https://theconflictcloser.com/otmr
It’s time folks. Leading in Love I say, “We Can’t Wait so stop asking us to.”
To dive deeper into why these conversations about race are crucial and how we can begin to address them, head over to Part 2 of this series: Yes, I’m Talking to You.
In Love,
Dr. Lynne
