My life’s journey has allowed me to teach conflict resolution and leadership skills to teens for over 25 years. One of the outcomes that I envisioned so many years ago was to have these teens grow up and use these skills to educate others. I am blessed to still be in connection with so many young people who are doing just that.
Today, I am spotlighting one of them.
Melissa Velasquez found one of my Today’s Parenting Tips on Facebook and shared it in one of her blog posts. I was not only grateful but excited to find out what she is up to in the world. We shared a wonderful conversation about mommy-hood, blogging and conflict resolution.
Actually, we went all over the place with this conversation. Melissa was raised from teenage years on the skills of conflict resolution. She is what I call Homegrown. She was a prominent figure in an incredible organization called E.A.R.S., Effective Alternatives in Reconciliation Services.
She ventured into the world of blogging in order to lend a voice to the single moms out there.
As a single mom of three year old Misa, she wanted to provide hope, pride, direction, tips, advice and truth. She wanted to see if someone could get something good from her words. I certainly did. I am sharing three ways that she uses her skills of conflict resolution in her parenting in order to feature a younger voice who developed expertise early in her life.
Below are her answers to some pointed questions and my take on her responses.
1. What is on your playlist these days?
“I am so careful about the messages Misa takes in. What’s on my playlist is ABC by The Jackson Five.”
Being careful about what our children hear can be challenging. Being prepared to talk with them about what they hear when they go other places is important. Listening to their questions and being willing and ready to give them honest, age appropriate answers is part of the way she parents.
2. What do you do as a parent that you feel breaks culture?
“By the way that I discipline. She will never hear me threaten to hit her. By also letting her have a voice.”
Allowing children to have a voice can mean that they may take a long time to decide things, for instance what they want to wear in the morning as Melissa has experienced. However, they learn how to make decisions. It is also not easy to break culture. You really need to stand tall in that and use your communication skills, something both Melissa and I know something about.
3. What is a big mistake that you learned from?
“Being triggered. We had someplace to go and we were going to be late. I do not like to be late. It is programmed in me from E.A.R.S. She started yelling and screaming and really losing it. Nothing I was trying worked. So I really lost it and she heard me say a bad word. I had to apologize to her later.”
It didn’t end up being completely resolved in this big happy ending for them, but they were able to get through it and attend the event. The lesson learned was about taking a minute to notice that you are being triggered and to try to calm yourself down. But if that doesn’t happen, then an apology is important to your child. It is something that I teach about often.
Young voices need to be heard. They can really add something to the conversation.
Both Melissa and I agree that there is too much division in the parenting world. We have much more to gain by coming together.
Feel free to connect with Melissa on:
Her Blog: www.justabxmom.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/justabxmom
Instagram, Twitter & Snapchat: @justabxmom
