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Conflict Resolution Tips and Blog

Bold Leaders Resolve Conflicts with Confidence

I grew up watching Emma Peels on the TV show, The Avengers. Everything she did from walking into a room, handling a difficult conversation and delivering a fierce side-kick, she did with extreme confidence. The impact she had on me was… here was a woman who knew that she was highly skilled in talking to people in any conflict situation and therefore chose to take it to the extreme (in her case using martial arts) only when her life was in danger.

With all the conflict that is happening and with every major business magazine and journal reporting on the importance of leaders building healthy relationships and diverse, high functioning teams, social skills are fast becoming the primary tools for success. Those who will be most successful in making major and impactful change are those leaders who can be Bold when it comes to conflict.

Bold Leaders know that they must skillfully and willingly engage in conflict, because it is both inevitable and necessary. Conflict can bring new ideas, opinions and perspectives to the workplace creating greater productivity, but only if we as leaders are confident in our ability to face it and manage it.

Bold Leaders anticipate and set the table for conflict knowing that putting it on the table for discussion before it blows up only makes the workplace stronger. That means we run into the fire of conflict while others are busy filming it or running the other way.

Bold Leaders continuously go within themselves to search for and own what they do to escalate conflict. We all have the potential to escalate, because we all have triggers. Triggers are fueled by emotions which set off reactions rather than responses. Bold leaders know that in order to take triggers off our plate we must examine our own feelings toward conflict and discover the root causes for them.

Bold Leaders add to and strengthen their conflict resolution skills with highly effective communication skills. This means that we are not just listening, but we are mindfully and strategically listening beneath the words in order to get to the source of conflict.

Bold Leaders examine the conflicts created by the cultural norms of the workplace and create conversations around them.

Bold Leaders, no matter where they are, home, office or community, are not just talking it out but hosting fearless conversations with the resolution of conflict as our goal.

The times that we are in require Bold Leaders who will use all of these skills in order to walk into the fire with confidence every time.

Are you a high-achieving leader who works with a team? Want to know if you are on your way to being a Bold Leader or already there? Let me send you my FREE Leadership C.O.R.E. Assessment Tool and let’s find out. Email me at lynne@lynnemaureenhurdle.com

Are You In Touch With The Soul of Conflict in Your Work?

Coming off of an incredible week of interviews and interacting with so many of you in The Soul of Conflict Tele-Summit, I experienced a huge crash. It had been a time of taking in almost an overload of information that confirmed much and shifted even more. There is a newness to my mindset when it comes to my work and a big part of what I am experiencing is gratitude and a sense of satisfaction that so many of us are moving in the same direction.

But I did spend much of yesterday in a place of deep sadness that I later realized was the surfacing of unresolved conflict in me that extends to my work. Why do I do the work that I do? Why do you? I have heard it said that…

We are often attracted to the work that we do by a particular need within us.

Often, I have heard people express the desire to help others who have had a particular hurt that they themselves have had. Other popular reasons I am sure we each have heard are… “I want to keep people from making the same mistake I did” or “I’m doing this to stop things like this from happening to anybody else.” Both of which indicate that many of us do the work that we do because of something uncomfortable, unpleasant or just plain bad that happened in our life.

Certainly, the tremendous amount of conflict that existed in my extended family between my dad’s five sisters, sometimes my mom or dad and some of us cousins turned every family gathering (of which there were hundreds in my lifetime) into a war of hateful, nasty words, hurtful gossip, accusations and threats. It would make sense then that I would want to do the work of helping people resolve conflict. If you look at your work in the world, I suspect that you can make the connection between your childhood, teen-life or early adult experiences and how you extend yourself in service these days.

But what the summit did was allow me to dig deep into the question of whether or not I have been living my life and doing the work from the place of equating things that have happened to me with experiencing things that have happened. Stay with me here.

What I recognize about The Soul of Conflict is that if I am truly dealing with the experience then I am working it all through. That means identifying, surfacing, looking at and then doing the work of healing those old wounds left by the first part of the experience (the incident, the harm). If I label it as something that happened to me, I can convince myself that I have left it in the past without acknowledging the wound it has left within me.

To see the full experience through means acknowledging the effect it has had within me and working to feel, release and make the changes necessary to end its affect. As I reflect upon how many of us in conflict resolution work are sometimes the worst at conflict resolution in our lives, I also wonder how many of us as therapists, teachers, parents would admit that we are less than our best when it comes to using the tools of our work in our own lives, particularly during conflict.

Now is not the time for untruths. If we look into The Soul of Conflict in our lives we will find what we have left behind that needs attending to.

Award winning Author, Speaker and Top Business Coach, Pamela Slim speaks to this in this short and powerful clip from her Soul of Conflict Summit interview.

https://vimeo.com/203164412/27d65b5166

I hope you will watch it and then sign up for The Soul of Conflict Challenge where we get to the work of beginning to Heal Old Wounds.

Sign up here… http://soulofconflictsummit.com/challenge.

Lynne Maureen Hurdle, Conflict Resolution Specialist

Race and Conflict in America: I Am TIRED

I am lay down flat on my back, can’t get out of bed, Done, FINISHED, sick of this TIRED!

I am OVERwhelmed, cried out, what does it take to make people understand our pain TIRED.

I am looking at my beautifully and wonderfully made Black Sons who are fearful for their lives and for each other and their cousins and their uncles and their friends and their DAD.

I am HURT down to my Bones TIRED…

race-and-conflict-in-america-Lynne-Maureen-Hurdle-Conflict-Resolution-Specialist

I am Conflict Resolution to my Bones

Not wanting anyone of any race to die

Refuse to LIVE in fear

And Still I RISE

For the MILLIONS of My Ancestors

That Cried, Tried and Died

I Am NEVER Giving Up

Keep Coming Back

SCREAMING from the Rooftops

“See Me I Am BLACK

And

“BLACK LIVES MATTER”

race-and-conflict-in-america

For those who don’t understand why I would say that, please reach out. Let’s have the conversation.

Please be safe and work for understanding and peace.

Lynne Maureen Hurdle, Conflict Resolution Specialist

My Conflict Resolution Brand Story: The Next Chapter

Every day as an entrepreneur I put one foot in front of the other and do the next thing that moves me closer to being a Master Brand because I know my WHY.
 
Growing up with an extended family that hosted EPIC conflict battles fueled by their inability to express the love they had for each other affected me deeply. To see deep wounds healed between family members, friends, co-workers, teachers, students, supervisors, neighbors, cultures, and even gangs has demonstrated the profound affect my work can have in people’s lives.
 

Because of this I know I am here to be someone’s answered prayer…

 

I know to so many it looks like what I do is teach people skills to resolve the conflicts in their lives. But what I really do is help ears to listen deeply as hearts speak from the wounded places that conflict still resides helping to melt away all the reasons why conflicts can’t be resolved.
 

Disguised as a mild-mannered Mom from the Bronx trained in the super skills of conflict resolution, I spend my days listening with intent to my 14 year old son recount his many tales of conflict with his teachers, his friends, his girlfriend, with me, his dad, his brother and himself.
 

Chances to use my super skills are endless. Within those skills I also possess some SUPERPOWERS.

 

One of my superpowers is being able to see and normalize the humanity of using these skills, making mistakes and trying again until they work. I share my own failures and successes with all of you because for me that is a big part of my work.
 

I think the street name for this superpower is I Keep It Real! Therefore, my intent is to offer services that allow YOU to work with me in a way that does just that.
 

For the next chapter in this brand, I want to talk to that Mom who is secretly telling herself that the reason her children don’t get along is because she is not a good enough mother and every other mother is doing it better than her.
 

I want to talk to that Dad who is thinking about how stressful his household has become with everyone arguing and yelling, especially when he yells at his kids.
 

As a parent, if you’re repeating the same things over again to your kids with no action taken by them… If you are experiencing endless worry and frustration about whether or not you and your children will ever communicate well, then you are going to be thrilled to find out:
 

The Five Things You Should Never Do If You Want Your Children To Listen To You.
 

I am offering up the answers in my FREE Webinar series. Three information packed evenings that will change the way you look at your children and start you on the path to better communication.
 

Lynne Maureen Hurdle, Conflict Resolution SpecialistWhen YOU work with me wherever you are, you will feel as if we are sitting in the most comfortable room in your home with a cup of your favorite warm beverage and a pint of truth. You will find the courage to seek out opportunities for hosting Fearless Conversations with your children.
 

I am a conscious creator of courageous conversation, unapologetically feisty and all about building, strengthening and nurturing relationships.

 
 

I am Lynne Maureen Hurdle the Conflict Closer, helping YOU resolve conflict one meaningful response at a time.
 

The first one hour workshop in this series starts on May 19th. More information coming your way next week! So, stay tuned!
 

inner-conflict

Inner Conflict 3 Ways To Resolve It

“You’re a conflict resolution specialist. I know you help people resolve conflicts with other people but what do I do if the conflict is inside me?”

This was the desperate message I received from a friend in the midst of a genuine struggle with himself and lifelong issues that were surfacing once again in his life. He caught me right as I was about to do my workout in the small window I had allotted for it and I am faithful to what I call “hitting the floor” at home. But how could I not respond right there in the moment to a friend who was obviously in pain and wanting to be heard and helped?

James Baldwin

James Baldwin

“Okay,” I responded in my head. “But he’s not going to like it.” No quick fix.

A series of James Baldwin quotes ran through my head as I gathered my thoughts on how to answer his question.
 

“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” – James Baldwin

 
 
 
1. LOVE YOURSELF

I write knowing in all earnest that throwing those words around is almost cliché by now. In a world that judges everything about us, it takes a tremendous amount of something that most of us have trouble obtaining… to honestly full out love yourself. I know whatever conflict exists inside of you will always loom larger in the dark. Shining the night light of love on it allows you to see just how big or small it really is.

No matter how bad things are, if you know what you love about yourself and continue to have faith in those things, you can start to find your way out of your inner conflict.

One tip: Start A List. What do you like/love about you? What do you do well? What are your strengths? And do not compare yourself to anyone else. Focus on one thing on your list each day and Bask in, Believe in, Live and Celebrate it!
 

“Not everything that is faced can be changed but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” – James Baldwin

 
2. FACE IT

Face the issues that are causing the conflict. What is your role in it and what feelings come up when you think about your role in it? I watched a beautiful interview with Oprah and a man named Shaka Senghor who served 19 years in prison for second degree murder. That is a heavy load to live with if one is ready to face the truth about the decisions one has made in their life.

He talked about the inner conflicts he struggled with as he faced what he had done and the effects it had on him and those connected to the man he murdered. Feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, grief, unworthiness, regret, anger and confusion almost overwhelmed him as he sat and allowed himself to face them by feeling every ounce of them. He used them to connect with the essence of who he is, a man with feelings. He allowed them to be the fuel for change. This is something that each of us need to do if we are to resolve our inner conflicts.

I encourage us all to feel our feelings deeply and not run and escape to our favorite “-ing” activity… like shopping, sleeping, drinking, arguing, blaming, hooking up, eating (mine); you know what yours is.
 

“To accept one’s past – one’s history is not the same thing
as drowning in it. It is learning how
to use it.”
– James Baldwin

 
3. ACCEPT PAST MISTAKES

Accept whatever you have done in the past and whatever you continue to do in the present, but don’t drown in it.

How can you use it to propel yourself forward? What have you learned that can help you resolve your inner conflicts?

I always say that awareness is the first step, now make one of these three things your next one.